i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
