it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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