Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize