Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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