I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
