Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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