i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
