the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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