Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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