i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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