will power is for people who don't want to get laid
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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