I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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