I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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