i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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