I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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