Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
