I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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