Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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