he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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