i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
