the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Your penis caused this!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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