My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
