her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
