oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
