he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I could fuck to npr.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
