totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
