last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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