I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
