i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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