Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
