she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
then he tried to convert me to islam
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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