I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
