I'm sorry my penis didn't work
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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