fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
where am i from again
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
