I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
