It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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