awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize