I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
