hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
