I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
