It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
