i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She announced her abortion via fbk
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
