I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I could fuck to npr.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize