you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
