I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
