Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
