Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
a search helicopter?!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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