If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
