im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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