Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
