she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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