It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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