the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
