Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
