Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
