mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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