yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
