You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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