my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
