Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
