wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize