I think I died a long time ago.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
