suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
