she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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