Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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