we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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