He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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