haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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