so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
