see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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