My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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