why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
