well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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