I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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