I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
