Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
