There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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