im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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