went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
