I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
