I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wish my penis had a tongue
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
