I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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