I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
