I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
