If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
