its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize