Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
