Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
