I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
