Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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