I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I can text with my tongue
I think my fart just growled at me.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
a search helicopter?!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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