i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
