i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
