we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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