Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
