I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
