He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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