Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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