She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
