I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm always down for nudity.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
