If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
