That's intense
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
