It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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