the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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