question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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