Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
