When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
