you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
