If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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