I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
